Hello there! Welcome back to my blog and my first post in a while. I’ve been all over the place recently, which I’ll get into more later in this post, but that’s a reason why I haven’t been updating this blog as much as I would like to. Explanations aside, let’s dive into the first installment of “Monthly Musings,” March 2021 edition!
Reflection Q & A about this past month:
- What is your happiest memory?
- I loved visiting the bookstore on Friday afternoons and wandering around campus afterward with my brother. I always come out of the bookstore feeling inspired about something, whether it be reading more or living life at a slower pace.
- What were some things that you learned?
- Speaking of slow living, I learned more about its value and benefits. March was especially busy for me with classes and extracurriculars (at least, it felt like it was), and I began allocating less time to self-reflect and take a step back to clearly see everything in my life. I always felt like I had to be doing something, feeling guilty for the breaks I took or time I spent relaxing. Although this has always been a problem of mine, I feel like its consequences were especially visible this month when my work-life balance shifted significantly.
- What didn’t go to plan? What can you do about it?
- To be honest, there are quite a few things that didn’t go to plan, but they seem trivial to write about now or too personal to talk about here. However, one thing that didn’t go to plan was keeping up on this blog, which I mentioned earlier. This kind of goes back to my point about living life at a slower pace, since I felt like I didn’t have enough time to do things for myself (like writing), even though I did. As I went through online school, I concerned myself with mindlessly checking things off my to-do list without taking the time to think about how I was feeling or why I was doing what I did. The timer on my phone would go off and I would hit the “skip break” button since it felt like a waste of time, forgetting that breaks can be productive and rejuvenating. In the middle of the month, I felt burned out and tired, constantly looking forward to the weekend or spring break without proper appreciation of the present moment. My eyes felt strained from hours of online work without proper breaks. As a result, my sleep quality suffered, affecting my mood and overall well-being. So, what can I do about it? Well, I’m trying to make a more conscious effort to take breaks, permit myself to relax, and stay in the present moment more often. Additionally, I hope to put more effort into/allocate a decent amount of time to journal and reflect on my thoughts every day. Of course, I’m not trying to make this a chore or anything, but I’ve found that when I give myself more time to sit alone with my thoughts or write down how I’m feeling, I’m a much happier and better person overall.
- What is holding you back, and/or what do you need to stop doing?
- I’ll probably be saying this every month, but I hold back from fully expressing myself or doing things that I want to do. I constantly filter my thoughts and ideas (which isn’t always a bad thing), which leads to me swaying away from true self-expression. It’s the same feeling that I get when I stand in front of a blank canvas, paintbrush in hand: Ideas come to mind, only to be swatted down and insulted by my own brain. I guess this also translates to this blog, where I begin writing a few posts only to delete them later out of self-doubt, or to everyday conversations, where I find it so difficult to open up to the people that I’m interacting with. Externally, I should stop using my phone so much; although I did make some significant improvements on that earlier this month, I fell back into my old habits of scrolling through social media whenever I felt tired or unmotivated.
- What can you do to make next month even better? What are some specific goals of yours?
- I’ve said this a few times already, but focusing on maintaining a healthy work-life balance and being kinder to myself overall would make April better. There are some days where I feel completely numb to my life as if I’m just a robot going through the daily motions of living, and while this is normal and part of the cycle of life, taking the time to list out items of gratitude and reflect on life can help. After all, I can’t solve any problems if I don’t recognize them. Some more tangible goals are to reduce my phone usage to under two hours a day (obviously adjusting this with the circumstances of life and the understanding that time on my phone isn’t always bad), read more, and get back into the habit of jogging regularly. I should also reach out to my friends and check in with my loved ones more often. Oh, and spending more time outside!
- What are you grateful for?
- Quiet mornings in solitude. While I wouldn’t necessarily call myself an early bird or night owl (I’m somewhere in the middle), I enjoy waking up around sunrise (at least, in the spring when the sun rises around 6:30 am, not 4:30 am or whenever it is in the summer) and eating breakfast by myself while the world is still asleep. It’s a calming way to start my days; I’m less tempted to get started on my to-do list or check the notifications on my phone right away. I use this time to sit alone with my thoughts, look out my east-facing bedroom window to see the sun painting the sky a vivid and rosy orange, and listen to the birds chirping in the fresh air.
- What should you continue doing? What went well?
- I should continue writing down what I’m grateful for every day in my journal- it helps me see the positive even when I’m feeling woeful and is super sweet to look back on later.