Resting is like leaving your favorite book on the shelf to collect dust: when you revisit it, you fall in love yet again with how the sentences flow together on the page and embrace new details that you never thought of before. This is how I feel after returning from my trip, where the necessity of rest took root in my understanding of life.
Before the trip, I was caught in invisible yet constricting mind loops, driven by anxiety over needing to do more to avoid “falling behind” and “losing” my future. There was little room for other thoughts. Looking back now, I’d say that busyness as a result of this mindset (or this mindset as a result of busyness) can lead to selfishness, as most of the world in my mind then was about how I could do more, how I compared to others, and how I could become “better.” Being in a new environment and processing it led me to see the world outside of the one painted in my mind loops, and I found myself thinking less myopically and more broadly about societal issues, feeling more care towards those around me, and less anxiety about having to distract myself and stay busy. Certainly, much of this can be attributed to immersing myself in a different part of the world, but I’d say that the smaller number of options to pass my time as I did at home, plus the greater number of scenarios that were out of my comfort zone, also had a strong impact. For instance, I had to think closely about what I said to those around me because I was conversing in my non-native language; I had to pass my time on public transit observing the scenes outside of the windows and being present because I had limited access to my phone (due to the time zone differences of conversing with friends, being in China for a portion of the trip, and the necessities of being in an unfamiliar environment). When you lower the focus on yourself, the world tends to feel a little less negative (even if you consume negative media instead of it, but only to a certain degree), and you connect deeper with your loved ones. To that end, you could argue that busyness, in most cases and when experienced to a certain degree, is a contributor to a degree of selfishness more detrimental than beneficial.
After a few weeks at home, I’m grateful to feel more adjusted and content than expected, though I can’t say I’ve fully processed the trip yet—will I ever? It’s comforting to arrive as the world around me makes a transition between seasons…because it feels less lonely in a way. This year, I’m focusing on a few things, and finding a good balance between contentment with the self and with others is one of them.
Speaking of the rest of the year–I should talk about what I’m doing during my first year after completing my undergraduate experience! To be frank, I don’t have it completely planned out, and I think it’s okay (it’s also something that I want to work on: being more comfortable with uncertainty). Broadly speaking, though, I’m planning to spend the next few months applying for graduate schools so that I can (hopefully) start next fall. In addition to working on applications, I’m working as a freelance musician and as a manager and instructor at a learning center. I’ve also been helping out with the family business and home remodeling project, and studying material in the field that I hope to dive deeper into in graduate school. Socially, my life has been filled with pickleball-ing, playing in the community orchestra, book clubs, and chatting with loved ones. It’s been such a fulfilling past few weeks, and I’m excited for what’s to come.
Signing off for now, but not before I share what I made this week! I’m committing to trying a new project every week, and I’m first easing into it by learning how to cook something new! This week, I made five-nut mooncakes for the Mid-Autumn Festival (wishing happiness to all who celebrate!), and they turned out deliciously (like, seriously, the best mooncakes I’ve ever had…but maybe I’m biased)! Making this was a test of patience and precision, especially since most of the day-to-day cooking I do is without a recipe and pretty quick. Here are some pictures–we’ll see what I make next!
